Even though we all have the right to divorce our partner and break up with whomever we want, it’s natural to wonder if we’re making a mistake. Or if we’re a bit spoiled as a culture and society. After all, our grandparents and great-grandparents never divorced or at least rarely did so. Years ago it was considered scandalous to be a single parent and to give up on a marriage just because things were bad. EVERYONE had it bad. They used to say that suffering built character, that these trials and tests only made the relationship stronger.
Of course, it’s a matter of trivia now. We all do have the right to separate whenever things get bad. The truth is that only YOU, as the individual know if it’s time to separate and break up for good. No one else can tell you that. Staying in a relationship because someone else other than you wills it to be is barbaric thinking!
But what if you’re the one who’s torn between staying and leaving? Maybe you feel ambivalent about the relationship. You love him, you lust for him, and yet you both seem to have problems living together. One or even both of you may be very unhappy.
And yet, there’s still love there! So how do you determine whether to stay or go?
Let your heart lead the way. Although it’s true that sometimes your heart isn’t a good judge of character, and yes, emotional thinking gets us into trouble…
The heart is actually capable of something much greater. It can tell you if you’re still in love. Even if there are rough patches, your heart always knows if it’s worth enduring and if things really will get better.
To make it easier to remember, let’s review five signs that show you ARE happy and in love and are just experiencing a rough patch. Don’t end the relationship too soon and do something you’re going to regret!
1. Even though you argue frequently, you still like who you are.
Real love has a positive effect on you. You like the person you are. You like your life and the progress you’ve made. You’re mainly suffering because of circumstances. Maybe things are hard right now and you’re both stressed to the point of irrational thinking and raging arguments. But overall, are you happy that you’re in this life? If the arguments ceased, would you be happy with the person you’ve become? If the answer is no, then it’s clear what must be done. But if you still love your life, then yes, the relationship is worth fighting for.
2. Are you still attracted to him after all these years?
It’s true that sexual attraction comes and goes. Sure, he looks nice in a tuxedo. But that sexual desire may lessen when he walks around in his regular t-shirt and sweatpants!
The question is, are you still emotionally attracted to him?
Emotional attraction is what drives both sexual attraction and real love. You emotionally connect. He has a power over you still, not because he demands power, but because you want so much to please him. You want to give him everything he wants because it makes you happy to make him happy. You crave him, desire him and ultimately just want to become a better lover and soul mate to the man you committed to.
If this sounds like you, then don’t lose hope. Don’t underestimate your own attraction to him. Once you fall out of love, it disappears like a snap.
3. If you could just fix one simple thing and everything would return to normal…it’s very likely the relationship is still strong.
Circumstantial arguments can get nasty, no doubt. But if you can boil all the arguments and misery down to one simple issue, chances are, the relationship is salvageable.
For example, he’s out of work. Or, the children take up all your time and stress you out. Or bills are due, or there’s stress from outside family. All these circumstantial problems are NOT about you or him. They’re about external issues…all of which can be fixed through time.
Time has a way of changing circumstances, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. What matters though is that you keep loving each other, you keep persevering in love. You suffer when things are bad, but you don’t turn on each other. You preserve the union you have—the bond you’ve tried so hard to build and strengthen all these years.
If THINGS are what bring you down, work on the things. Don’t give up on each other.
4. No one else is giving up on you.
It’s perfectly natural to have doubts about your relationship. Ask yourself though, how do your parents feel? How do your friends feel? Your parents are not rooting for you to break up. They probably want you to stay together and will be quick to volunteer advice on how to improve the living conditions between you and your partner. Even your friends have only the best wishes for you. Maybe your friends can sometimes be catty but the very idea of you ending up alone and unhappy hurts them as much as it hurts you.
If the relationship is good for you, your friends and family will try to help you stay together. Take their opinions seriously because you know they love you. And they know you very well, perhaps even better than you think.
5. Can you both still compromise? If so, you still know what’s important.
Stubbornness is the mark of immaturity—and doomed relationships. You will never gain any significant “power” or hand in the relationship just because you hold your ground. If you have a man that’s above all that “alpha male”, “head of the household” crap then be happy. Real relationships survive because of compromise. No marriage has ever stayed together because one partner prevailed and proved his or her point. Couples stay together because love allows for compromise. It’s no longer about who’s right or who’s wrong. It’s about both of you loving each other enough to compromise—to make each other happy.
What determines longevity in a relationship? A love so great that you actually want to work at it. The joy of being in love and committed to your partner makes it all worthwhile.
What his silence is trying to tell you
Do you ever get the feeling your man isn’t telling you something?
Or maybe he simply gets quiet and distant for no apparent reason…
Leaving you confused or even hurt when he pushes you away?
It’s no secret that many men keep their true emotions guarded…
But it may come as a shock to you that your man is TRYING to tell you something in his own, confusing way.
Something terribly important that you aren’t quite picking up on.
And it might sound strange but what it really comes down to is a bruised ego.
You see, a man’s ego is the backbone of his identity.
And there’s one major thing that is written into the male ego that all men share…
It’s an elusive combination of emotional need and biological drive that’s rarely satisfied in life or love.
In fact, for many men, it’s such a powerful, life-long obsession that they are always chasing in one way or another, but rarely ever finding it.
And when this one need is not being met, it makes him feel inadequate, dissatisfied and insecure.
And he probably doesn’t even know why.
So when he suddenly gives you the cold shoulder or goes off into his own little world…
He’s actually trying to tell you something that your relationship hinges on.
He’s trying to show you that he needs your help to fulfill this need…
That he desperately wants you make him feel whole.
Now here’s the really important part:
He may not specifically know what’s missing…
But if he doesn’t feel this need being met from you…
His attention will start to wander.
Because this obsession is a core part of his identity…
And without it, on some level he will feel like he hasn’t succeeded in life.
And he will always be searching for it.
Here’s a video I discovered that really sheds some light on this
On the other hand, when you know why your man is acting like this…
And you know how to answer this secret cry for your help…
You’ll immediately find it a LOT easier to make that special connection and loving bond that most women struggle for.
You’ll even notice him dropping his guard and opening up that vulnerable part of himself…
His REAL self that’s reserved just for you.
Because once you know how to satisfy this powerful, emotional need…
He will immediately see YOU as his lifelong obsession
And keeping you by his side and cherishing your love will become his ultimate goal.
Go watch this video and all that confusing behavior will suddenly click for you:
And when you do what it says, it will be easy for you to connect directly to his heart, to know his deep est desires and greatest fears…
And finally have the loving, open relationship you’ve always dreamed of.