Someone once asked me and a group of friends, “How do I win a man’s heart if he’s already dating someone else?”
The others jumped in and lectured her, saying that if he’s with someone, he isn’t looking. Stay out of it!
Then the conversation went on, with various people discussing their views on fidelity and on loyalty. One friend said, “If he isn’t looking, he’s not interested in dating anyone else.” But another friend said, “But if he’s not married to her, he’s not really committed, yet is he?”
They argued back and forth with various philosophical answers.
When it came time for the group to ask me what I thought of the first question, I simply replied: “Well, are you asking me a man, as someone with his own personal opinion, or as a dating coach?”
“As a dating couch”, one said.
“In that case I would simply say…‘Be better than the woman he’s dating.’”
Dating is a Competition
Naturally, it was not my place to interject with personal commentary and suggest what a person should do and should not do. I’m not an ethics professor, nor am I a religious figure or a politician.
But the simple question came down to this: dating is a competition.
With so many single people out there, and so many people vying for the attention of successful men and beautiful women (or successful women and beautiful men!) how can you view dating as something that “just happens” naturally?
Dating doesn’t happen naturally. No one just waits for Prince Charming to come along and sweep them off their feet. Or if they do, they’re usually waiting a long time and are very disappointed when they finally do meet “the one”. The one who breaks their heart!
I have always found that viewing the dating game as a competition is more practical than viewing it as romance fairy tale. Maybe it’s not the most romantic viewpoint – not compared to, “I met my soul mate when he kissed me and awoke me from a sleeping curse”!
But it’s what actually works. The best way to approach dating, and to find the right man, without having your heart broken, is to:
1. Know what you want in advance – the qualities of the ideal man.
2. Meet as many guys as possible and filter out the ones that don’t work.
3. And strategize so that you maximize dating communication and get the man to chase you, fall in love, and live happily ever after.
Many women find a problem with this formula because they claim the guy they like is always interested in dating other women—he’s never happy with “just her”.
My argument is that men CAN BE happy with “just you.” But you have to spend time showing them who you really are, and doing so in such a way that makes him curious to learn more.
Here are 5 ways to get him interested in you, and to destroy the competition in his mind. Only by “being better” than all his other prospects can you get him to commit to you. So let’s discuss ten strategies that successful women use to make a man fall in love.
1. Be independent. Be successful. And be busy.
Men are always more attracted to women who seem successful, independent (in career and in personal interests) and who are “busier” than average. This immediately shows a man you can handle yourself and your own issues, and you don’t “need” him to save you. The fact that you’re busy all the time shows high value – he really has to try to get your attention!
2. Don’t try to control him. In fact, try to avoid him!
Men are most afraid of falling into a relationship where they are controlled and lack independence. A woman who understands men, realizes this and so she avoids giving any impression of wanting to take over his life. In fact, she tries to avoid him. She sends the strong message: I have no interest in being “your woman”.
This makes the man want to CHASE HER! And deep down, he finds this dynamic invigorating. He tries harder to impress you. You are impressed…you let him know that…but you keep running away from him, because you’re not sure how you feel. This makes him want you MORE than he wants all those other women who haven’t mastered the art of the “chase”.
3. You desire a strong emotional connection before sex.
Most girls make the mistake of sleeping with a guy (A) when she feels an attraction; or (B) when he tries really hard to charm her.
But what a successful woman does is make him wait for sex—long enough so that she can create a strong emotional connection with him. She spends more time getting to know him, the “real him” that he believes no one understands.
Most guys are the ones who take the initiative by asking about a woman’s life, her goals, dreams and memories. A woman tells him her life’s story and feels vulnerable. The man takes advantage of that and they have sex.
But what about him? Has she invested any time in getting to know him? Or did she just wait until he did all the work and guided the conversation?
4. You are amazed at what he does. Deep down, you are dying to support him in all his endeavors…if only he would try a little harder to catch you.
Most women are curious about what a man does, but then quickly forget about it and move on to more erotic topics. A successful woman knows that learning a man’s passion in life is a direct link to his heart. She wants to know what he does and why he does it. What draws him to this mission.
She also believes in his abilities—the amazing person he is now, not just his potential. As they grow closer together, a man will realize that she really understands him and supports his passion in ways that other women don’t.
This is how she bonds with him. Not just by flattering his ego, but by learning what truly motivates him and falling in love with the type of honorable man he is.
5. You are perfectly controlled…but wild and dangerous where it counts.
You are in many ways his wife and his mistress in one person. You have perfect control over your emotions. You always present your “better self” to him. You avoid all the clingy behaviors that you know will turn him off. You’re friendly and mature…because you know you’re attractive. You don’t have to throw a tantrum just to keep his interest. No desperate tactics.
On the other hand, you’re wild and out of control in areas where it counts: like sex! A man wants to feel like he’s losing control sexually, like you’re even more insatiable than he is. You want sex more than he does, if that’s even possible, and there are no taboos you’re unwilling to discuss. You’re not a prude. You just haven’t decided yet, whether he’s worthy of you and knowing your fantasies.
When you do actually sleep with him (after you sense he’s fallen for you) then you treat him to the best sex he’s ever had – his “ultimate fantasy”. And when you’re finished, it’s back to square one. He has to impress you all over again, because you’re running away from commitment.
Dating is a competition, and quite frankly, EVERY man wants a woman who embodies these five attitudes. If he has his choice of a woman he kind of sort of likes, and someone like you who knows how to make him feel masculine, in control and powerful, then he will pick you over someone who’s just playing it by ear.
True, you should be yourself. You should improvise where appropriate. But in the end, these are the tools you need in order to find the man you really want.
Say This And Watch Him Stay By Your Side Forever…
Have you heard of the secret words that unlock a man’s heart and make him addicted to loving you and only you?
They’re called “The Love Frames” and you’ll be BLOWN away by this…
If you’re ready to have a man…
…fall madly in love with you…
…start treating you like a gentleman should…
…obsessively thinking about you when you’re not around…
…and treating you like the #1 priority in his life…
You have to go discover The Love Frames…
Then just use them on ANY man in your life…
Maybe your boyfriend, husband or fiancée…
Maybe that cute guy you have a crush on…
And watch how he lights up when you’re around…
How he can’t wait to see you again…
How he becomes yours and yours alone…
You can thank me later!
P.S. You’ll be the first thing he thinks about in the morning…
And the last thing he thinks about before going to bed…