The problem with the “rules for women” (you know, the “right way” to date a guy that ends in happily ever after!) is that there are many interpretations of the rules from women with differing opinions on sexuality, dating etiquette and personal philosophy.
Some of the rules I’ve read, including those by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (who famously wrote the book on “The Rules”, literally!), make perfect sense. You don’t want to be a pushover and you do want to maintain your identity, your values and inner confidence at all cost.
But some of the other manuals I’ve come across sound more like a lesson in “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days”. I mean there’s got to be a difference in being a positive feminist role model and being a sugar baby “princess” that treats men like a glorified Chihuahua dog. With apologies to Paris Hilton…
So let’s start by adjusting some of these dating rules for women so we can find a good compromise between playing the Princess that men want and the Evil Queen that they fear.
1. Don’t make him bid the highest price for you.
This is really an antiquated move and an old fashioned attitude—the one suggesting men ought to pay top dollar for the “best women” and spoil her with expensive gifts, high price restaurants and a lavish lifestyle. Even among millionaires, expecting such superficial “trade” is frowned upon. It’s far more important to be open minded and simply get to know each other in a more natural environment.
Some men may actually “test” a woman by taking her to a more common restaurant just to see if she goes with the flow or throws a hissy fit. Don’t play the money game…focus on the conversation.
2. Don’t bring up your ex…for any reason. Just avoid talking about it until he literally pulls it out of you!
Women who talk about their ex freely send a huge red flag to the average man. He is already is worried that you’re still in love with your ex…and that it’s just a matter of time before you go back to him. Talking about him just makes matters worse.
Even if everything you say about the ex is critical, it’s still a terrible move to bring it up on a happy first, second or third date. Avoid discussing it for as long as possible or at least until he asks. When the time comes, talk about what you learned from the relationship and how it made you a better person. But try to keep the past in the past.
3. Be confident. Be funny and bold. But don’t be boring!
Too many women make the mistake of either waiting for the guy to impress them (which is a bore from his point of view) or they try so hard to suck up to the guy it creates an awkward feeling in the conversation. What’s lacking in both situations is the woman’s sense of deep inner confidence. Be confident in yourself and LOVE yourself. This projection of a healthy self-image will immediately impress your date. Better yet, he will feel more at ease to be himself…and that’s when the sparks fly.
4. Don’t hint around…it’s so 1990s!
If feminism has taught us anything, please let it be that women no longer have to meekly hint around or imply “certain things” when trying to get a definite message across. Men don’t like this and neither do most women, quite frankly. There’s nothing wrong with a woman being a little direct and honestly conveying her feeling, thought or idea. A man will be relieved to know you’re a straight shooter and the communication between you will be immediately improved. As for the guy who takes offense at a woman volunteering her own ideas…umm…does he even exist anymore? I kind of thought he went out of style with the 1950s.
5. Don’t sleep with him unless this is sex you can afford to lose.
There’s nothing wrong with sex on a first or second date…so as long as you know there’s a good chance he won’t be calling back and you’re pretty cool with that. Otherwise, giving it all away in hopes of luring him back and then transforming him into your awesome boyfriend is a BIG mistake.
Women tend to associate sex with greater intimacy and trust. Men, on the other hand, don’t actually start to think about the future until after they have sex. So if you really like the guy you’re dating, give him enough time to fall in love…to actually care about you, before he has the chance to “clear his mind” with a one night stand. One of two things will happen. Either he will get tired of waiting and move onto the next booty call…or he will go the distance and realize that he wants the same thing you do. Yes, a serious relationship and one that is beyond friends with benefits!
6. Don’t insult his bedroom manner.
Once you do decide to have sex (and hopefully he’s really fallen for you by now!) don’t make the mistake of being overly critical of his bedroom performance. Not only do a lot of guys have performance anxiety about the “first time”, but they also don’t know your body well enough to give you the orgasm you deserve. Real sex is usually not like the movies. There is always some awkwardness in learning each other’s turn ons, turn offs, kinky behaviors, and personal style. Be patient and don’t demand perfection. Just focus on the intimacy of the moment and build trust. Over time, sex will get better…much better with practice!
7. Don’t fall into negative conversation.
Trust me…there will be plenty of time to talk about your old relationship baggage, pessimistic viewz on life, depressive episodes and terrible memories later…much, much later! For now, focus on positive and fun conversation.
Don’t go too dark, don’t go for political or religious controversy, and don’t lecture him on issues of the day. Put your best foot forward so to speak and stay upbeat. Don’t give advice and don’t talk about problems (including his problems…you’re his date and not a free therapist!). Just mellow out and impress him with your total lack of negativity. Fun and carefree women are always in demand!
8. Don’t let him do ALL the talking.
It’s great when a guy is actively conversing, entertaining and being all alpha just to impress you, right? True…but there’s a big difference between a guy who enjoys your company and a guy who just…literally…doesn’t care if you say anything or not.
Maybe he thinks he’s the macho man who gets to monopolize the conversation. Maybe he’s narcissistic and figures your life isn’t as interesting as his. Or maybe he has weird neuroses about listening to a woman talk. Whatever the case is, it’s easy to see the problem: this date is all about HIM.
Don’t tolerate a date where YOU don’t get to shine as much as he does. In my opinion, there are just too many self-centered people hogging the spotlight these days. I for one don’t like it when a person “waits to talk”, rather than listens to what I’m saying. Don’t you agree?
Have self-respect and determine that any man who doesn’t care enough to listen to you and actually take an interest in your life, isn’t worth a second date.
There you have it. Some modern rules for women that are going to keep creeps away, while welcoming in the Mr. Right you’ve been waiting for!
The Great Relationship Hoax – A Man’s Fear of Commitment
Do you know what the greatest myth is about men and commitment?
It’s that men are commitment-phobic.
That men don’t want a serious relationship.
That men only want sex.
Now I realize that your experience may tell you that this is the truth…
But Gallup did a poll found that the overwhelming majority of men are looking for a relationship that could possibly lead to marriage and having kids.
If this is true, why does it seem like so many men are so afraid to commit?
It’s because men are holding out, waiting for the right woman.
If you want a man to look at you as the right one, there’s one very specific difference between a woman that a man wants to marry and one who he only wants something casual with.
It has nothing to do with looks, age, or breast size.
If you want a man to feel like you’re the perfect woman for him, go check out this video I created for you…
After working in the dating industry for over a decade, I’ve found that relationship success is very predictable.
Men who push things forward with a woman do this one thing correctly and the rest mess this one thing up.
Can you guess what it is?