Part of getting along with a man and earning his trust is having faith in him—faith in his character and his fidelity to you. If he says he’s being faithful, you believe him. If he doesn’t even discuss other women, because he’s in love with you, that should be enough…
But you know, sometimes it’s not!
Sometimes you get overwhelming feelings that something is going on. Your instincts are telling you that he’s hiding something. You feel crazy sometimes because he goes about like everything’s fine while you start to notice little inconsistencies that no one else seems to notice. Maybe you even tell a friend or a relative and they say something like…
“Oh no, he would never do something like that.”
Well, sometimes that’s not good enough. True, our doubts about our partner’s faithfulness are often motivated by our own insecurity. But sometimes our intuitions are dead-on—because we notice things out of the ordinary. And the uncomfortable truth that we all know is that when things start to change there is always a catalyst to blame. Is your man cheating or thinking of cheating? What should you do if you suspect he is?
Signs of Cheating
1. A drastic change in your sex life.
Usually the suspicion is that if he stops having sex with you, he might be cheating. But in fact, ANY major change in the usual routine could be suspicious. Some men actually become twice as horny when they realize they have two lovers. Some men actually lavish love and affection on the partner they’re cheating on because they feel guilty. So look for changes, not just sex drought.
2. He over-protects all of his PCs, cell phones and tablets.
True, guys usually do want their privacy, but if you notice they are going out of their way to “lockdown” all their devices and get extra-nervous whenever you’re even in the vicinity of their cell phone, he is hiding something—perhaps dialog or even pictures. Men who cheat usually buy new cell phones to access their adulterous IMs, so if you find evidence of a second cell phone that’s also a big tipper.
3. He’s actually trying to look good lately…but not for you.
If your marriage / live-in relationship has been lackluster lately but he’s suddenly giving a damn about his appearance, then he’s probably dressing up for someone else. Pay particular attention to changes in dress and grooming, shaving (ahem, his hair down under?), and even his fitness habits. If he’s faithful to you and talks about changing his fitness routine, it’s not a big deal. But if he’s giving you the silent treatment lately and working out like crazy, he’s definitely setting new goals for himself.
4. He’s always working or always doing something without you.
While it is true that men have to work and that men should be able to have private time alone, if you notice that he seems to go out of his way to be away from you, it’s a sign of growing distance in the relationship. Working late, partying with the guys, and especially taking weekend business getaways are highly suspicious behaviors. A mistress will be very possessive of his time, so keep that in mind.
5. He becomes defensive when HE’S the one under accusation.
Frankly, a man who is innocent does NOT behave like a guilty person when confronted. He may even feel compassion for his wife/girlfriend, if he senses that she’s feeling insecure. But when a man starts becoming verbally aggressive and shifts blame to his partner, it’s classic distraction technique. If he laughs at your legitimate concerns and tries to make you feel crazy for sensing something is different it’s called “gaslighting”; “manipulate (someone) by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.”
6. He is quickly becoming a very bad communicator.
Guys have a good excuse for sucking when they try to converse via phone or text—they’re hiding something. He’s always missing in action. He takes forever just to answer a text from you. He sometimes makes plans and then backs out. He may also get caught in a lie or just laugh off conversations rather than finishing them. You can tell when a man is deliberately attempting to NOT communicate.
7. He suspiciously brings up a new woman in conversation.
Men tend to mention the woman they’re either crushing on or having an affair with in a non-sexual context. Maybe he thinks if he mentions the mistress as a “friend” or workmate he can control your suspicion. Or maybe he gets a rush out of mentioning her name in your presence. But when a man starts crushing on another woman (even if it’s in a platonic sort of way) and is always talking about her, it’s a rather obvious gaffe.
8. Other people are warning you about his possible cheating.
Yeah, so just keep an open mind the next time someone warns you about a guy. Friends, colleagues and family members sometimes have insights into things we don’t personally see. It’s one reason why some men will never introduce you to their family…so keep that in mind too.
What to Do About It
There is only one way to deal with infidelity or suspected infidelity:
1. Gather evidence. Don’t accuse him out of emotion or suspicion. Gather receipts, phone numbers, suspicious texts and other hard evidence and ask him to explain it.
2. Resist the urge to be angry and aggressive in the confrontation. It might feel good at first but it will either scare him into lying about it, or it will make him defensive and equally angry.
3. Think about what you want to know in advance of the conversation. Decide if you can forgive him. Know what details about the affair are important and why you need to know them. Be willing to listen his perspective if you really want to learn how his mind works, and figure out if you can still live with him.
4. Decide if you can forgive him AND let it go. You have every right to leave him and not feel the least bit bad about it. But if you forgive him, you can’t keep holding his mistake over him every time you argue. You have to commit yourself to healing this relationship with a positive mind…or commit yourself to moving on and meaning it.
While it is true that most cheaters will not change over time, it’s also true that some romances CAN survive infidelity. Do some soul-searching to determine what your best course of action is and how to be happy even after this event.
The Secret Words That Make His Heart Yours
Today I want to give you some words that you can tell your man that will make him want to give you the relationship you’ve always dreamed he’d have with you…
These words form something I call a “Love Frame” that make a man feel like it’s his mission in life to treat you like a queen.
If you’re struggling to get your man to “step up” and give you the romance you’ve always wanted, you need to watch this video right now…
These words will work on him even if…
…your man is pulling away from you or ignoring you completely…
…you think you got intimate with him too soon…
…or you feel like your situation is hopeless…
Because once you understand it…
You’ll be able to trigger a flood of emotion throughout his body that melts away all resistance…
Making him see you as the perfect woman for him…
A woman that he wants to pursue, fight for, and be with from now until the end of time…
P.S. Try out these seemingly innocent yet strangely powerful words on the man in your life and seem how quickly things change with him…
Making him feel more love for you, more of a connection to you, and more of a desire to please you than he’s ever felt for anyone before in his life.