You ever wonder why therapists recommend that you NOT have a “rebound” relationship with someone in order to forget someone else? I can almost guarantee you, any professional therapist would advise against this behavior.
And at first glance, you may wonder why. Isn’t it good for your self-esteem, especially if you’ve always felt that guys don’t find you attractive? Maybe dating someone else would be good for the ego and help you forget about painful memories of the past.
In theory that sounds good…but in practical terms, rebounding is almost always a bad idea. It’s very dishonest and very reckless to jump into a relationship when your heart and your mind are not truly in it. It’s unfair to the other person and damaging to your own sense of closure and self-esteem.
Many people who “rebound” doom their future relationship because they’re still in love with the ex and they bring all this negative tension to the date. The rebound date obviously senses that something is wrong since the signs are obvious and painful to watch. The other person will usually mark off the rebounder as “serious relationship” material, either writing them off completely or turning them into a one night stand.
A one night stand might be fun…but is it really what you need, when your heart is still in pieces and you’re confused about love, sex and happiness? One night stands and especially rebound relationships only distort your view of love. You may even end up hurting the other person or yourself because you’re making decisions impulsively and recklessly.
When the rebound relationship fizzles you’re left to feel the same heartache as before, now with additional feelings of pain and loss. It’s no wonder therapists advise their clients to work on self-improvement first, to learn from their mistakes first, before looking for a new relationship.
And yes, as we’ve already said, your rebound date can always pick up on negativity and baggage that you carry from your previous relationship. Here are 8 of the most obvious signs that are actually huge red flags that will send most eligible bachelors running from the hills.
1. You’ve developed a drinking habit to deaden the pain.
The last thing your new crush wants is a partner who needs to drink as a coping mechanism. Having a few drinks is one thing but constantly drinking and over-drinking on dates sends the wrong message.
2. You’re still thinking about all your old memories together.
You can’t even hear songs, watch movies or go through simple routines without thinking of him and the great times you had. Some time needs to pass.
3. You’re still proving a point…on social media.
Whenever you rant on social media, or even post a cryptic status message that’s obviously about your ex, you’re only hurting yourself. Seeing you lash out in pain worries your friends and family and will scare any potential suitors away. You’re projecting unhappiness…no good can come from it.
4. Everyone else you know is completely talked out.
If you’ve talked at length with friends and family about your ex, maybe even for hours into the night, but still seem to want to talk about him and the old relationship, you’re definitely in need of a timeout. Your new date is not going to want to hear every minutia about this past relationship. He may be interested in the abridged version of the story…namely what you learned from the relationship, and not all the gory details. If you’re still talking and your friends/family have STOPPED asking questions, then it’s definitely time to stop analyzing and move forward.
5. You still invent reasons to run into him or approach him.
Staging accidental run-ins or “legitimate reasons” to contact him via email or instant messaging is desperate behavior, and frankly, it’s the kind of validation your evil ex enjoys…it lets him know you’re still not over him. It’s also very insulting to a rebound guy if you’re constantly trying to get back together with your ex, rather than appreciate the good qualities this new man has.
6. You’re still comparing every new guy to the paragon that was your ex…yeah, the same guy who broke your heart.
It’s unfair to Rebound Guy to compare him to your ex…someone you were in love with, but also someone who was bad for you emotionally. You’ll find fault with him for not measuring up in the good ways, AND for being too similar in the worst ways. You will never give Rebound Guy a chance to be himself and to chase you in his own unique way. You’re sabotaging the relationship before it gets started.
7. You still feel physical or emotional lust around your ex.
Not only does his physical presence still tempt you, but even emotionally, dealing with him gives you a rush. Maybe you get fanciful notions of changing him, or him regretting everything and wanting to get back together. Maybe you even stalk him on social media, wanting more information that you can use. Use to destroy him, or win him back—both equally ridiculous notions. If you still feel a strong desire for your ex, then you need time apart. You need to take a step back and let your heart heal from that dysfunction and damage. As time goes on, the pain lessens because you realize all those months ago, you were thinking emotionally…irrationally, and as a “Damaged Soul.” Now after taking some time off to work on YOU, you can see things clearly and you don’t get the same addictive rush for him that you once had.
8. You have no interest in other men and never bother to get to know them.
What a waste to meet a great guy—maybe even your perfect Prince Charming, who’s ready for a serious relationship—and yet your heart is never really in the experience. You seem numb to his charms and have no desire to learn much about him. Maybe you think he’s good looking and worth a one-night stand…but beyond that, you don’t care about him as a person, nor do you ever really think about any admirable qualities that you’re looking for in a man.
He’s just there…and you almost resent the idea of moving on with someone else. You probably won’t even notice any signals he’s putting out there because you’re not really paying attention!
Don’t take the baggage of a toxic relationship out on a man who genuinely likes you. It’s actually better to let a good man go (and take time out to work on yourself) than to try to hold onto him while you work through the baggage.
Don’t let anyone else suffer from this “emotional flu” that stems from a dysfunctional relationship. Quarantine yourself so that you can become healthy again and won’t inadvertently hurt someone by jumping into intimacy too soon. Find the emotional healing your mind and heart need and then reemerge as a single woman. You loved, you lost, but you learned. Next time, the real thing going to happen and you’re going to be so happy you waited!
The Secret To Getting Over Your Ex Fast
If you’re suffering from heartache and you can’t seem to get past it, I’d like to tell you about the #1 way to almost instantly get over someone…
It’s called, The Breakup Remedy, and it’s based on science.
When you breakup with someone, your body stops releasing certain chemicals that made you feel whole when you were with him.
Now, your body is going through withdraws kind of like what someone experiences after using hard drugs.
And there’s really only one way to healing and recovery…
P.S. You can figure this out right now. There’s no reason to go on suffering.