8 Signs You’re Not Over Your Ex Yet

You ever wonder why therapists recommend that you NOT have a “rebound” relationship with someone in order to forget someone else? I can almost guarantee you, any professional therapist would advise against this behavior.

And at first glance, you may wonder why. Isn’t it good for your self-esteem, especially if you’ve always felt that guys don’t find you attractive? Maybe dating someone else would be good for the ego and help you forget about painful memories of the past.

In theory that sounds good…but in practical terms, rebounding is almost always a bad idea. It’s very dishonest and very reckless to jump into a relationship when your heart and your mind are not truly in it. It’s unfair to the other person and damaging to your own sense of closure and self-esteem.

Many people who “rebound” doom their future relationship because they’re still in love with the ex and they bring all this negative tension to the date. The rebound date obviously senses that something is wrong since the signs are obvious and painful to watch. The other person will usually mark off the rebounder as “serious relationship” material, either writing them off completely or turning them into a one night stand.

A one night stand might be fun…but is it really what you need, when your heart is still in pieces and you’re confused about love, sex and happiness? One night stands and especially rebound relationships only distort your view of love. You may even end up hurting the other person or yourself because you’re making decisions impulsively and recklessly.

When the rebound relationship fizzles you’re left to feel the same heartache as before, now with additional feelings of pain and loss. It’s no wonder therapists advise their clients to work on self-improvement first, to learn from their mistakes first, before looking for a new relationship.

And yes, as we’ve already said, your rebound date can always pick up on negativity and baggage that you carry from your previous relationship. Here are 8 of the most obvious signs that are actually huge red flags that will send most eligible bachelors running from the hills.

1. You’ve developed a drinking habit to deaden the pain.

The last thing your new crush wants is a partner who needs to drink as a coping mechanism. Having a few drinks is one thing but constantly drinking and over-drinking on dates sends the wrong message.

2. You’re still thinking about all your old memories together.

You can’t even hear songs, watch movies or go through simple routines without thinking of him and the great times you had. Some time needs to pass.

3. You’re still proving a point…on social media.

Whenever you rant on social media, or even post a cryptic status message that’s obviously about your ex, you’re only hurting yourself. Seeing you lash out in pain worries your friends and family and will scare any potential suitors away. You’re projecting unhappiness…no good can come from it.

4. Everyone else you know is completely talked out.

If you’ve talked at length with friends and family about your ex, maybe even for hours into the night, but still seem to want to talk about him and the old relationship, you’re definitely in need of a timeout. Your new date is not going to want to hear every minutia about this past relationship. He may be interested in the abridged version of the story…namely what you learned from the relationship, and not all the gory details. If you’re still talking and your friends/family have STOPPED asking questions, then it’s definitely time to stop analyzing and move forward.

5. You still invent reasons to run into him or approach him.

Staging accidental run-ins or “legitimate reasons” to contact him via email or instant messaging is desperate behavior, and frankly, it’s the kind of validation your evil ex enjoys…it lets him know you’re still not over him. It’s also very insulting to a rebound guy if you’re constantly trying to get back together with your ex, rather than appreciate the good qualities this new man has.

6. You’re still comparing every new guy to the paragon that was your ex…yeah, the same guy who broke your heart.

It’s unfair to Rebound Guy to compare him to your ex…someone you were in love with, but also someone who was bad for you emotionally. You’ll find fault with him for not measuring up in the good ways, AND for being too similar in the worst ways. You will never give Rebound Guy a chance to be himself and to chase you in his own unique way. You’re sabotaging the relationship before it gets started.

7. You still feel physical or emotional lust around your ex.

Not only does his physical presence still tempt you, but even emotionally, dealing with him gives you a rush. Maybe you get fanciful notions of changing him, or him regretting everything and wanting to get back together. Maybe you even stalk him on social media, wanting more information that you can use. Use to destroy him, or win him back—both equally ridiculous notions. If you still feel a strong desire for your ex, then you need time apart. You need to take a step back and let your heart heal from that dysfunction and damage. As time goes on, the pain lessens because you realize all those months ago, you were thinking emotionally…irrationally, and as a “Damaged Soul.” Now after taking some time off to work on YOU, you can see things clearly and you don’t get the same addictive rush for him that you once had.

8. You have no interest in other men and never bother to get to know them.

What a waste to meet a great guy—maybe even your perfect Prince Charming, who’s ready for a serious relationship—and yet your heart is never really in the experience. You seem numb to his charms and have no desire to learn much about him. Maybe you think he’s good looking and worth a one-night stand…but beyond that, you don’t care about him as a person, nor do you ever really think about any admirable qualities that you’re looking for in a man.

He’s just there…and you almost resent the idea of moving on with someone else. You probably won’t even notice any signals he’s putting out there because you’re not really paying attention!

Don’t take the baggage of a toxic relationship out on a man who genuinely likes you. It’s actually better to let a good man go (and take time out to work on yourself) than to try to hold onto him while you work through the baggage.

Don’t let anyone else suffer from this “emotional flu” that stems from a dysfunctional relationship. Quarantine yourself so that you can become healthy again and won’t inadvertently hurt someone by jumping into intimacy too soon. Find the emotional healing your mind and heart need and then reemerge as a single woman. You loved, you lost, but you learned. Next time, the real thing going to happen and you’re going to be so happy you waited!

The Secret To Getting Over Your Ex Fast

If you’re suffering from heartache and you can’t seem to get past it, I’d like to tell you about the #1 way to almost instantly get over someone…

Click here to learn more <<

It’s called, The Breakup Remedy, and it’s based on science.

When you breakup with someone, your body stops releasing certain chemicals that made you feel whole when you were with him.

Now, your body is going through withdraws kind of like what someone experiences after using hard drugs.

And there’s really only one way to healing and recovery…

Click here to find out what it is <<

Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. You can figure this out right now. There’s no reason to go on suffering.

 

 

14 thoughts on “8 Signs You’re Not Over Your Ex Yet”

  1. My last relationship devastated me, I think he was a narcissist and trying to recover from this is exhausting

    1. Mine too, is a narcissist. I use to tell he was a womanizer. I feel a womanizer is the same as a narcissist. This was my second narcissist.

  2. I need my ex to no how much I am sorry and I love him so much why didn’t I no then I hate my life without him why was I so nasty and horrible to him and in my life I need him tonnow no he ain’t the one chaise in its me I whiz by my day but I can’t go on without him why was I so much why didn’t I see this then

  3. I last had an ex-husband who I do not have any missing bone and zero love. After he was gone for 2 yrs. my love was completely gone exactly on our anniversary date. My marriage was not true love it was purely lust. Lust does not last without the love. I am the happiest even though I lost material goods through our divorce. I do not miss a guy I dated on and off for 2’yrs. after meeting another real man my desire for him disappeared and I just had no connection except for friendship. The man is unavailable, yes, I miss him but I understand he is taken and I can move on easily when guys Do not reply. I leave. For some reason I have much confidence that I love myself therefore I do not stop living. Patience is my mantra and if a man wants h
    Me he must chase me and be my hero. Chivalry. I refuse to pursue. When I do not hear from them I protect my heart and leave especially if they could not be there for me in bad times. There is someone for me but I will patiently wait for the man who God has chosen.

  4. Jagdish Vasantlal Jariwala

    Keep words,deeds and thoughts under divine wisdom. be human be kind be good do good. love all serve all.

    1. I need to tell my ex, i am sorry for what ever i had put him true.
      Move on to where your heart belong and be at peace.
      There will be no fight, quarrels or misunderstanding.
      I choose to set you free.
      Where you could love again.

  5. I don’t bother of exes relationship s it’s like real trash at mid life. If someone is meant stays back or they get lost. Life is not so long to grieve for useless meaning less selfish people. Good to be on own. The real ones are genuine never leaving deserting us.

  6. I unintentionally “fell into” a rebound relationship within a couple of weeks of splitting with my abusive, narcissistic x of 14 years. After (come this Christmas) 5 years together we are getting married next year. It has been the best rebound relationship of my life & not once have I ever looked back except to think or say why didn’t I leave him sooner. My “rebound” & I have been on the same page since day 1 & both have the same idea of what we want for our lives. We both came into this relationship from toxic & abusive partners with nothing except broken hearts and baggage & I think because of this we know how we DON’T want to spend the rest of our lives. I’ve finally found my soulmate who shares the same dreams & passions for life as I do. The moral to my story: not every rebound relationship is bad, sometimes it takes meeting the 1 person who knows the hell you’ve been through (& survived) to literally make everything better

  7. I guess I need to give up on an ideal I once had, or situation that I once thought would bring me fulfillment. I may be physically moving to a different location and starting a new life, or a new chapter. My heart is no longer in the situation at hand.. I was a blinded foolish one not to see it, but now I understand. You had a good one, and mistreated her. All those website profiles of you; my girlfriend’s warning signals, excuses & lies. For what? Financial gains. If this is how one earns a living, then I wish you well.. what comes around, goes around.. I will just kiss the $20k goodbye & chalk it up to experience. I live, love & learned the hard way. Goodbye.

  8. I am lost in a struggle of knowing that it will never be but because he is my almost 2yr old sons real father I feel this awful feeling that I will always love a man who has cheated on me,lied to me , andleft and abandoned me and my son. And I’m not oblivious to how ridiculously stupid and pointless that truly is.i know the advice I would give anyone I knew in my situation. But I’m having such a terrible time with doing it. Well not so much doing more so just coping with the heartache and sadness and how bitter and jaded and hurt I am over this all.how does someone just walk out on their newborn son? He is a stranger in my sons life and now my son doesnt get to grow up with a dad ,I worry the psychological damage this will have on him and myself. I’m so overwhelmed and terrified for my future.

  9. My ex of 12 years decided to proceed with his best friends ex girlfriend – 15 years younger and needy with their child, I stupidly thought he was being a good godparent so never doubted the attention he was giving her. It was devastating as I never mistrusted his ‘kindness’. She couldn’t wait to step in however and others knew. I can’t advise anyone – men just want sex and adulation not real love. I hope when she hits menopause and her then teenage daughter has the hissy fits that he’ll get his just desserts

  10. I may not forget my past it shall remain with me for ever and ever and evermore. It has made me who I am today. Somethings I am thankful for the experience. And there is a lot of things I have experience that Taught me biggest lessons in life. I have Learned to keep moving on with life and try to make it the best I can. Right now I am at peace with myself, heart and soul.
    I am always going to look for that glimmer of happiness that we all dream of. That is just who I am.
    When I left my ex 3 years ago I did cry for about a week.
    BUT it was not over him AT ALL it was over his son. My little man that I raised like my child for 7 years. THE LOVE for will always be there for him. And in my heart he is my son. He knows that I would do anything I could for him.
    Now for my ex I truly wish him the very best in life. I Hope his finds the happiness, he is looking for whatever happens to him. I do wish him the very best in life. He just will not be in my life. I have NO Desire to see him or talk to him. I took the time to quarantine myself from all the negative things in my life and he is the #1 person.
    I know had to fall in Love with Myself again and fined my true happiness. Now I know I did it for only one person me and my heart & soul. One thing you always need to remember is Your self worth.

  11. I met someone on line. Totally by coincidence through a message board. He started msg me and I would msg back but what ever. He’d asked me about my day and other things, he was interested in what I liked, my thoughts and wanted to know about me. We became friends. Later he confessed having feelings for me but you don’t even know me, but I want to know you so we kept msg. He was in another country we had different time zones. Despite my not believing him I ended up falling for him HARD. He was 10 yrs younger and he had me feeling like a 17 yr old again. But it turned out I was being catfished. No Money was ever exchanged but he knows my full name and where I live and my loved one live too.
    Now I’m left with what repercussions of the mental, emotional, brain games and manipulations as well as a broken heart and I’ve lost trust in humanity. The msf came from a certified authenticated account. Can’t trust anything anymore. How to get over of someone who never existed to begin with?

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