It’s always a terrible feeling when you realize the man you trust and maybe even love is cheating on you or even thinking about cheating.
Your first instinct is probably to go all Walking Dead Michonne-with-a-Samurai on his cheating @$$!
But the more you think about it, and the more you think about laws society has in place against using swords as weapons on cheating boyfriends, it’s probably time to tackle the situation logically and not emotionally.
This means (A) you make sure he’s actually cheating and it’s not all in your head, and (B), you make a choice that you’re not going to regret later on.
Let’s start with (A) making sure he’s actually cheating, or maybe just thinking about cheating.
First, when it comes to men who do cheat, understand that most men think they’re James Bond…but they end up being more like the bumbling Inspector Clouseau when it comes to actually covering their tracks.
Here are the most common signs of a poor “top secret agent” who isn’t really fooling anyone.
10 Ways to Tell if a Man is Cheating on You
1. He showers or changes clothes a few times a day for no apparent reason (To get rid of a lover’s smell, new perfume, lipstick on his clothes, etc.).
2. He goes out traveling without his wedding ring.
3. He stays late hours at his job and doesn’t seem to mind spending time away from you…he seems suspiciously okay with all that overtime!
4. He is treating you with more affection and kindness than the usual and for no apparent reason.
5. He accidentally leaves condoms or some other form of birth control around the house or in his car.
6. He avoids social events and actually encourages you to go out by yourself with friends.
7. He has a private email account and or phone and god only knows what’s on it…and he freaks out if he thinks you’re logging in.
8. His text history is suspiciously absent or deleted.
9. He loses any and all interest in sex (with you).
10. He is suddenly more interested in improving his personal appearance…losing weight, dressing better, changing grooming habits, etc.
Of course, it is somewhat easy to fall into paranoia rather than basing your suspicions on evidence. This is why it’s more important to…
Pay More Attention to the Relationship than the Emails
Of course, I do believe that real cheating is actually preceded by a breakdown of intimate communication. The majority of men cheat when they feel their sexual or emotional needs are not being met by their current partner.
While it is true that there are some “born that way” sociopaths / narcissists that will cheat at any given opportunity, they are usually the minority of cases.
This means that you may be able to see the affair developing in your man’s mind long before any physical cheating actually takes place. This is the time to get to the root of the problem, since a man’s wandering eye is far easier to forgive than a man’s wandering…uh, manhood.
If your guy is thinking about cheating but reluctant to go through with it, this is the time to confront him and prevent that “point of no return” that can destroy a good relationship.
It’s usually out of frustration and oftentimes long-lasting dissatisfaction with the relationship that motivates a man to start thinking of having an affair in the first place.
Rather than focus on physical “clues” the guy might be leaving behind, instead focus on “little signals” he may be screaming to you in silence. Ask yourself:
1. Is your sex life boring, non-existent or stressful lately?
2. Is he reluctant or completely unwilling to share his feelings with you?
3. Does he pick fights, make passive aggressive comments, or hint to you that he’s unhappy in some other way?
While this might be annoying behavior, it could actually be his way of saying “Honey I’m feeling tempted…let’s work this out!” Most men are not going to come out and say that since it makes them vulnerable. But if he’s edgy and unhappy right now…this means he probably hasn’t yet reached that stage of lying, dishonesty, and complete denial.
When a man actually starts cheating, he will seems unnaturally “perfect”. By then, he wants to avoid tipping you off and may also be repenting for his “sin” by making you feel as comfortable as possible.
So by all means, ask him to talk about the relationship when you sense there is a developing problem. Don’t wait until it grows into a disaster. Holding back awkward conversation until it festers little by little, and then comes out in a rage, is the worst way to handle the situation.
Talk intimately and honestly about sexual problems, communication problems, family issues and financial issues that cause stress. Encourage him to be honest. Even if the honesty hurts a little bit, it’s better to get it out now when you can both deal with it.
Don’t Keep Secrets!
Most guys are probably dying to confess their secret sexual fantasies to their wives and girlfriends…but are afraid of being judged. They’re afraid of being condemned just for having a wandering eye, even though, you know, a lot of guys tend to have these wandering eyes!
It’s just human nature to look at another woman, just as women can look at an attractive man and wonder what might have been. But keeping these “dark secrets” is the beginning of a dangerous path that ends with cheating.
I remember asking my parents once if they were ever tempted by other people. I suppose I was expecting them to say, “No, never!” as if anyone’s ever really thought that before. Come on, these were the babyboomers, the hippie generation of the 1960s!
Of course they were tempted. They told me that whenever either of them felt tempted by someone else, they just brought it out in the open and talked about it. This therapeutic approach helped them get in touch with their feelings, the logic of the situation. Why the attraction was there in the first place.
This exposed the secret crush for what it was. Nothing but passing lust…a momentary distraction from an otherwise happy marriage.
More couples should embrace this philosophy. Stop keeping secrets…and stop creating an atmosphere where either partner is too afraid to confess an attraction to another person. Jealousy should be brought out in the open and allowed to die gradually, not “squashed” with a threat.
The Point of No Return
Still, there may come a point in your life where you are far beyond that point of no return. Maybe you learned your man is cheating or is very likely cheating and it’s time to confront him.
If this is the case, resist the urge to accuse him formally. Instead, inquire about the status of the relationship. Be calm and rational and admit that you are having doubts about his secrecy and his commitment to you. Confront him with facts and evidence not intuition. Mention the problems you two have been having lately, as an emotional pull, so that this might bring some real honesty out of him.
Imply that you’re willing to forgive him…even if you’re not. This may convince him this is a safe place and it’s time to unburden his guilt without major consequence. When confronted with facts, and a gentle demeanor, most men will cave and admit the truth.
There may be some that cling to their delusions and denial and unfortunately, they will never change even if you catch them right in the act on Instagram!
This is why it’s crucial to confront your partner with evidence and not outrage and uncontrolled emotion. Gather the evidence and present it to him. Be the adult in the relationship and be brave. Think to yourself, You deserve to know the truth.
To Forgive or Not to Forgive?
If you find out your man is cheating, you have a difficult personal decision to make. Some women can find it in their hearts to forgive, while others will immediately break up with him and kiss him goodbye forever.
While I won’t tell anyone what they “should do” I will say this.
Once a man cheats, and is forgiven for it, he will probably cheat again. You’ve just shown him that you can tolerate some abuse (and yes, cheating is a form of abuse) and so his natural instinct will be to take advantage of your kindness. He may think, “Since she’s forgiven me once she’ll probably forgive me again if I beg and plead in the same way.” Just human instinct, I suppose…
So get used to his cheating and be willing to forgive him. A lot.
Or spare yourself the pain and get rid of him now. The choice is yours.
Just remember that every relationship survives on honesty and good communication. Concentrate on the problem as early as you sense it, and you may be able to save a good relationship from going sour.
How to Show a Man You’re the Perfect Woman for Him
If you’ve spent very much time trying to be the perfect woman for a man then you know it’s exhausting…
You end up feeling like you’ll never be enough for him.
That’s because what you think the perfect woman is for a man isn’t what makes him FEEL like you’re the perfect woman for him.
There’s one very specific difference between women who men want to marry and the ones men only want sex from… can you guess what that is?
I created a video that explains exactly what the difference is.
When you have this one specific thing, it’s like you flip a switch in a man’s mind that makes him pursue you for a long-term, committed relationship.
But if you don’t have this one specific thing, you end up blurring into the sea of all the other women out there and he’ll only end up watching a sexual relationship with you.
I want you to have the man and the relationship that you’ve always wanted.
That’s why I want you to watch this video…