I think the answer to “should we break up?” is one of the most difficult questions you will ever have to answer. All the more so because in many cases, perhaps in most cases, the answer will never be perfectly clear. It will be ambiguous and your feelings, your heart, may lie to you.
Just think about how EASY it would be to walk away from a relationship that you’re not emotionally invested in. Easy answer!
I am not attracted to this guy at all. I need to end it.
I don’t respect him, I don’t like him…why am I here?
I get nothing out of this. He’s selfish, we never talk…why are we doing this?
He is a monster and is always mean to me. I’m ready to leave!
Yeah these are rare situations in which the answer is very clear, crystal clear!
But the sad truth is that most relationships, even the bad ones, never come with easy answers. You love him. Even when times are bad, you still think of the good memories you’ve shared. It hurts to leave, but you still can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong.
Maybe what you need is to take an objective look at the situation and determine what the logical and emotional choice would be. I’ve compiled a short quiz to help you determine not just what you know, but how you feel. The more points you score in this test, the more unhappy the relationship seems, or at least, you personally seem unsatisfied in the relationship. Choose between five answers and then count the number of each option as your total unhappiness score.
Answer honestly and then consider your next course of action.
A. How often do you think about breaking up or wishing you were single?
1. Very rarely.
2. Only when we fight, which is not that common.
3. Sometimes, when things are going very badly in life.
4. All the time, even during ordinary days.
5. You don’t understand…I can’t live without him.
B. How often do you two fight?
1. Only once in a while. We tend to have a low conflict relationship.
2. Only when major life-changing things happen.
3. Lately, a lot…but I usually blame circumstances.
4. All the time. We disagree about every little thing and it’s very frustrating.
5. All the time…I’m always on edge and he just picks a fight constantly.
C. Have you talked things over about the way you (and he) feel?
1. Yes and we are working on it.
2. Yes we have talked about it before, but only once a month or so.
3. Sort of…we implied things. We try to talk but not often.
4. Yes and we always end up arguing and screaming!
5. No because I can’t talk to the man without him just flipping out. I’m too scared to even bring it up.
D. Why are you still together?
1. Because I still love him.
2. Because we’ve had so many good times together.
3. Because I really feel strongly attracted to him, I care so much about him.
4. Because I’m afraid to walk away. What will I do then?
5. Because he needs me, I think. He doesn’t let me leave.
E. How do you feel most of the time?
1. Most of the time, things are pretty good. We enjoy spending time together.
2. We do fight, but then we make up. I am sometimes frustrated, but then we talk things out and get over it.
3. I am indifferent. I don’t feel much of anything.
4. I am not fulfilled in this relationship. I baby him, but get little to nothing in return.
5. I am miserable and sometimes think I’d rather be dead than with him.
F. What do your friends say?
1. They assume we’re very happy together.
2. They seem to hate the idea of us breaking up.
3. They are tired of hearing me complain and pretty much tell me to just break up with him.
4. They don’t like him…they think I could do much better.
5. They have told me they’re afraid for me…they’ve told me to leave him now.
G. Do you think about dating other people?
1. No…I really don’t. I see cute guys sometimes but they’re not what I would consider boyfriend material.
2. Sometimes…what can I say, I have a high sex drive!
3. I think about the sex…but just sex, and not love.
4. Sadly yes, all the time. I know exactly who too! It’s the only thing that sexually or romantically excites me.
5. No…I’m too scared to even talk to another man.
H. What’s the worst case scenario that would happen if you broke up with him?
1. I would cry a lot, the thought of losing him makes me sad. I would probably be depressed and lonely.
2. I think I would do okay at first…but eventually I’d miss him. I think I would regret losing him, in the long-run.
3. It would be difficult at first…but I think we would survive it.
4. It would be a big relief for me, honestly. I don’t care about the consequences, I just want out.
5. I would die…he is my whole world and I need him to feel complete.
What’s My Score?
As you’ve probably noticed by now, each successive answer is escalating in terms of negative associations. Option 1 is usually conservative and if you have mostly 1s or 2s, (anywhere from an 8-16 score) thus creating a low overall score, you probably are experiencing relationship strain. EVERYONE GOES THROUGH THIS!
Be careful not to sacrifice the man you may love, just because of a few doubts, or because of a few taboo fantasies you have. Everyone has doubts and temptations but if you love this man you will always have a great desire to stay with him. He makes you happy overall and that’s very difficult to walk away from.
If your score is mostly made up of 3s and 4s, (24-32) that is a fairly high score and you are definitely admitting to being unhappy or stressed most of the time. Have you considered making life changes to de-stress? If so, are they not working and is HE the main cause of conflict? This doesn’t seem like a positive, healthy relationship anymore, does it?
Finally, if you have mostly 5s, and a score nearing 40, then it seems like either he is emotionally abusing you, or that your self-esteem is dangerously low, to the point where it’s stressing the both of you. Work on improving yourself. Listen to the advice of your friends, especially family members who love you. If they sense there is a serious problem in your relationship, take their advice seriously. Our friends and family see things that we oftentimes don’t. More importantly, they can sense if you’re really happy or just pretending to be happy.
In the end, happiness means everything in life and love. Do not continue to be in a relationship that makes you miserable or god forbid suicidal, just because you’re afraid of the unknown.
Life is too short to “love in unhappiness”. Love is characterized by joy, positivity, the love of life and the love of giving good things to your husband. If that’s not what you are right now, then find a relationship that feels that way. If that sounds like you (but with the occasional bad day) cherish this special bond and work on communicating together for better intimacy. Talking things out is not just a cure for stress…it fuels the love for each other you already have!
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…